New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
