he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
