somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This baby is an asshole
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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