If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize