Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
