windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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