I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
