I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
