Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
