How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
