2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
