Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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