omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
