We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
