I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
