yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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