He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
