everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
