I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
