sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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