So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
