Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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