Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
