Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
