I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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