i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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