If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
