yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
