CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize