i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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