we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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