you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
