I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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