I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
