he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
