So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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