dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Congratulations! We have a period
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
