I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
