i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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