Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
