You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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