pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
