I'm going to jail i love you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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