You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
