Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize