GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
