How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They took my balls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
