I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
