I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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