I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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