yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
