it was like his penis was on wheels.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
