I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
