I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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