so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
