my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
