It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
