Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
