"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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