I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
