hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
