im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
