I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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