If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
