YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize