what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
