Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
