I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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