He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
