It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
