I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
