your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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