i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
