first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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