Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
