im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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