There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
