My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize