even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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